As inspired by a dream
When my parents went off on their cruise and left me to house-sit, with strict instructions to “take care” of the dead body in the living room, little did I know they’d be needing the damn thing for part two in their ritual.
Writing Realisations
Sometimes things that should be perfectly obvious manage to, somehow, evade our notice. In terms of my writing – something you would expect I’d know quite a bit about – I have encountered two such examples. Two facts that surprised me that really shouldn’t have.
In the first instance, I was talking to some of my writing friends the other day about how it wasn’t until maybe a year after I finished the first draft of my novel (Full Term) before I realised it is, in essence, a baby fic.
For those unfamiliar with the term, it mostly floats around in fanfiction circles and just means, as the name suggests, a story primarily featuring a pregnancy and/or baby.
Now, obviously I knew there was a pregnancy in my novel – it is indeed the hook of the story – it was just that I hadn’t put two and two together and thought of my novel in those specific terms. Probably because it’s a fanfic term and the novel isn’t fan fiction. But here’s the really interesting part: when I finally made the realisation, I was embarrassed.
I really believe in Full Term and the story it tells. I’m really happy with how it’s turned out, and I’m excited to see where it will end up published. None of that has changed but, in the moment I attached the ‘baby fic’ label to it in my head, it suddenly felt foolish.
It took me a second moment to figure out why, and a third to dismiss the embarrassment as the truly foolish thing. Because what it boils down to is basically snobbery, and snobbery has no place in literature, if you ask me. But let me back up for a second and unpack that a little. Continue reading
Top Ten Most Read Authors
As much as I dislike the fact that I was denied the joy of reading as a child, the small consolation such a situation brings is that I know – and have therefore been able to list – pretty much every single book I’ve ever read. With that knowledge at my fingertips, I was curious to take a look and see which authors I had most read. Below is what I discovered. (If you are curious, I’ve finished a total of 472 books in my life so far.)
1. Jim Butcher – 17 Books
All of these books are in the ‘Dresden Files‘ series, all of which I have devoured on audiobook, because all of them are narrated by the fantastic James Marsters. For the unfamiliar, it’s urban fantasy (wizards and vampires, but set in our world. Chicago, to be precise). And I cannot praise them enough. Probably the fact that I’ve read so many tells you how much I love them.
A Favourite Author: Yes. Planning to Read More: Double yes!
2. Malorie Blackman – 13 Books
Malorie’s ‘Noughts and Crosses’ series were some of the first books I’ve ever read. She is my OG favourite author, for sure. Aside from her series, I’ve checked out a couple of her children’s books (for very, very young children, because they’re awesome and I have no shame. Noughts and Crosses is Young Adult, for context). I’ve also read ‘Boys Don’t Cry’ by her, as well as a gender-bent YA Othello retelling (‘Chasing the Stars’) and a collection of short stories on slavery she edited (and had one of her own stories included in).
Will I read more by her? Most definitely. I’m actually planning to re-read all of the N&C books again soon. Continue reading
A Light in the Dark
Being stuck inside can suck. Everybody seems to at least agree on that one point right now, but I know that some people have it worse than most. This is an open letter to those not just stuck inside, but trapped inside with abusive assholes.
I wanna start by staying you have not only all of my sympathy, but my utmost respect, too. I’m so sorry this has happened to you.
I’ve spoken here a thousand times before about my own abusive upbringing, so I know a little of what it’s like. Though, of course, no situation is exactly the same and I’m not trying to pretend otherwise. I had it bad, but I know a lot of people had it a lot worse.
That’s not important. Abuse is abuse and there’s no point trying to compare it all to say what kinds deserve more sympathy or help than others. As some else once said, you can drown in a puddle just as well as a lake.
It can sound like a weird sentiment, but don’t feel guilty for being upset at your situation just because you know it could, technically, be worse. What you need right now is to focus on the positives.
Ha! You might be thinking. What positives?
Granted, it’s much easier said than done and there really might be very little hope for you right now. Again, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to diminish your suffering, I want to help in some small way to get you through this.
So, positive: if you’re reading this, it must mean you have access to the internet. You’ll need to cling to that. As a mental escape. A link to the outside world. And/or a way to contact the authorities if you feel your life is in danger.
If your actions are being monitored, remember to delete your browsing history when you’re done looking at websites.
If your life is not in active danger but you’re being gaslit at every turn, criticised beyond what you can handle, or being made to feel like you’re unwanted, in the way, or being exploited in some way while you can’t get out, here’s the big thing you need to realise right now: sooner or later, this will end. Quarantine will come to a close and you will be able to get out.
You will. You just need to get to that point. Keep it in your sights. Hold tight to it.
Do not give up!
The whole ‘this too shall pass’ thing is kinda trite at this point, but that doesn’t make it any less true. It may take a week, a month, or – god forbid – a year or more, but the situation will change. You will get your chance at freedom.
You deserve freedom and happiness. You deserve to feel safe and loved and all the good this world has to offer. Because this world still does have good in it. I know it may not feel like it right now, because it’s being kept from you, but great things are possible for you. Your situation now will not be your situation forever.
You need to keep hanging on. There will be daylight again.
Tips for Working from Home
Seeing as a lot of people are working from home right now, for maybe the first time in their lives, and working from home doesn’t naturally suit all personality types, I thought I might offer some advice in the hopes it might help at least some of you. I don’t consider myself an expert in this, but I have been working from home for several years so I do have relevant experience. (Other people’s experience can and will differ. As with all advice, take the bits that work for you and feel free to ignore the rest.)
Your (Physical) Space
It may be that working from home really suits you (and your home) and you’ve been wanting to do so for a long time, but have never been given the opportunity before. The world as it is right now obviously isn’t ideal for anyone, but if it’s given you this small consolation, then at least there’s that.
For everyone else, it’s going to be a much bigger adjustment. So, here’s what I recommend: as much as you’re able, try and create a distinct area in which you work. This distinct area will vary depending on who you are, how and where you live – it might be a section of your dining room table. It might be a section of your couch. It might be your garden shed, or your laundry room, or a hundred other possibilities I don’t need to spell out. You get the idea.
The point is, whatever your little area is, it needs to be defined if you’re to have any level of success at this thing. If you have lucked out and already have a home office, garden shed, or spare room, you won’t need to worry so much about packing away your things at the end of each workday and setting them out again the next, but if you’re working at your kitchen table or in bed, tidying things away and putting them out again will be something you need to think about. Sure, it’s annoying and time-consuming, but it might actually work in your favour when it comes to setting a routine – something I’ll talk more about in a second.
So: Tip One – think about your physical space and how it might work best for you. This obviously gets trickier if you live with other people, especially if those other people are now trying to work from home as well. This is again something I will come back to touch on later. For now, think about what you need and how you might get it.
For some people, getting a lot of light behind them – i.e. sitting at a window – is what helps. Some people will prioritise structure over comfort, while others will be the other way around. There is no wrong way to work, so long as you respect your own needs and the needs of those around you. Continue reading
Literary Audit March 2020
I was going to put up a post with tips for working from home today but… well, it’s my birthday and – honestly – I want something a bit more fun. Indulge me, will you, dear reader?
It’s been four years since I first conducted an audit of all the words I’d ever written (original post linked here), and it’s fair to say a lot of my stats have changed since then, with some projects being finished, some scrapped, new ones being taken on etc. I’ve of course shared bits and pieces of statistics between then and now, but not all of them in a singular post – until today!
Going forward, I might do a yearly update to help track my progress, but for now, let’s get onto the figures.
Note: I’m not including my previous self-published poetry and short story collections in my list of book projects, because at this stage I’m really trying to pretend they don’t exist. A line in the sand has been drawn and I’m moving on.
Writing Project Master List
Memoir: WIP*
Novels: 2 Complete, 7 WIPs
- Family Ties Trilogy
- Death Girl
- Rain After Fire
- Family Secret
- Holes
- Sasha
- A Man Convinced
Short Story Collection: WIP
Short Stories (individual): 66 Total, all Complete
- 3 Awaiting Publication
- 4 on Submission
- 16 Ready to Submit
- 43 Published (by self or otherwise)
A Non-Update
I feel weird writing a blog post this week, given all that’s going on in the world. I have nothing of use to say about the crises, so am not going to add a ‘hot take’ to the ever-growing number already floating around the internet. And yet, to not acknowledge it feels almost wrong. There is something to be said for carrying on as usual as much as possible in times like these, but ‘usual’ and ‘possible’ are vague yardsticks at best.
Being completely honest, I’m feeling very anxious right now. I think most of us are in the same boat with that.
My local college has not closed its doors (yet!), but I’ve decided not to attend. I’m lying low as much as possible.
It should probably go without saying, but I will put it here just in case, that the event I talked about in my most recent post has been cancelled.
That’s all I got for now. Stay safe, guys.
Reading and Writing Update
It’s been a while since I updated this blog with reading and writerly things, so I’m here today to fix that.
Books read so far this year: 11/65 – 17% complete – 1 book behind schedule
Currently Reading: Jumping in Puddles by Claire Allan
I got a lot of words in February – 28,997 in 29 days, to be exact. And for the most part, the momentum seems to be carrying over until March. Long may it last!
27th of February I had a short story published by Visitant Lit. It’s called Earworms, is a horror/fantasy piece, and might not be suitable for overly squeamish readers. Read at your own discretion. (Apparently I gave my beta reader nightmares.)
Going forward, I’m going to have a piece published in volume two of The Bramley – the literary journal of Flash Fiction Armagh. I’m even getting paid, which is a first! It’s only a token fee but, even so, it feels like a milestone.
The short story I had published online in August last year will be coming out in print in April 2020.
And, in other news, I’m doing a little bit of client work at the minute, and Belfast Writers’ Group things are moving forward again. We hope to have the third anthology out this summer.
Events
I’m due to read a selection of my work at The Secret Bookshelf at the Courtyard, Carrickfergus for World Poetry Day on Saturday 21st March. It’s a bit of a ‘pop up’ event, but I believe I’ll be ‘on’ at 1pm (maybe 1.30) I’ll confirm on social media closer to the time.
Camp NaNoWriMo April: I am all signed up and planning to redraft an existing work-in-progress ‘Death Girl.’ (Previously titled Born of Death.) At this stage, I have most of the main plot points but don’t know if it’ll turn out to be a full-length novel or more of a novella.
April is also challenge month for the fan fiction site I’m part of, so I’ll be writing a story for them, too.
That’s everything for now! (I think.)
On Adulthood
So no one told you life was gonna be this way. Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A.
It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear, when it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.
Because my husband and I recently got Netflix, I’ve been binge-watching all of Friends from the very beginning. So I’ve been singing (and clapping) along to the theme tune a lot recently, and it’s got me thinking – about life, and it not being what you quite expected.
This time last year, I was panicking about turning thirty, focusing on all of the things I felt I should have achieved by that milestone. I was married, which society told me was a key achievement I should have unlocked, but I wasn’t sure I had done anything else I was ‘supposed’ to have done.
My expectations were unrealistically high. I was disappointed I didn’t have a publishing deal or a child. And not just because society told me I should want these things. I wanted them – and still want them – deeply, on a personal level. If kids or marriage or writing a novel isn’t want for your life, then cool, you won’t find any judgement here, but – for me – having these goals lined up with what a lot of other people profess to want out of life.
I’ve talked about success (and the lack thereof) on here before. I’ve discussed, in-depth, my journey in constantly amending my personal milestones and how I feel about them. I’m generally reflecting – again – about this whole thing we call life and growing up.
As I watch Joey and Chandler and Monica and Rachael and Ross and Phoebe navigate their late twenties and early thirties, I find myself comparing my life to theirs – no matter that they’re fictional.
All of that is to say, I’ve come to a conclusion. Despite being in pretty much the same physical place (literally, and financially, and career-wise) as last year when I was having my Big Panic, I actually find myself in a much better headspace right now. I don’t have a publishing deal or a baby, but I don’t feel all that stressed about it. My mental health is the best it’s maybe ever been.
I think what I’m trying to say is, for right now, I’m okay.
I don’t want that to come out like a boast. I know I recently put up posts telling the story of how I found ‘the love of my life,’ but don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to paint some rose-tinted version of my life that the internet will applaud me for. God knows there have been plenty of times in the past few years where I’ve come on here to rant about life being just plain sucky.
It can be tricky trying to find a balance between sharing the good and the bad – you don’t want to misrepresent yourself or your life, one way or the other. It just so happens that right now, I’m having a good patch. I want to document that, and I want to celebrate it.
I hope you, reading this, are also having a good patch. If you’re not – I know this will sound incredibly cheesy, but I do genuinely mean it – I will be there for you, attempting to be the best friend I possibly can. (Even if it’s only on the internet.)
Maybe that’s what growing up is really about, and I’ve got it figured out after all. I guess we’ll see.
Writing and Mental Health
A couple of days ago, I asked people on my Facebook Page and Twitter timeline if there was anything, in particular, they’d like to see me blog about. One person said ‘writing and mental health’ and I thought, aha!
In the past, I’ve talked extensively about writing and about mental health, but I hadn’t as yet brought the two topics together. So, here we are.
Let’s start with the key facts, shall we? Writing can be tricky and mental health even more so. Put them both together and, well, things ain’t so simple.
Sometimes when I’m having a bad mental health day, I write a ton, and sometimes bad mental health means I can’t write at all. I find writing definitely helps my mental health, but if I find myself unable to do that thing that helps, what then?
Being completely real: if your mental health is super bad, picking up a pen isn’t going to cut it, you’re going to need help from outside yourself. On that note, I have a post about getting help and what that actually means linked here, and I have a post about counselling here.
But let’s assume, for the sake of this particular post, that your mental health is not so great but not exactly critical. If you’re already a writer, you may find accessing your creativity to be a bit of a struggle. In which case, I suggest switching things up. Usually write fiction? Try an angsty blog post, or a terrible poem. (I’m a big, big fan of both.) Usually a non-fiction writer? You could try creating something based entirely in fantasy just for the escapism. Either way, these words are for you. You can show people, if you want, but you’re under no obligations. If you’re in a sucky mood, allow yourself the freedom to have your words suck. Put down in text things that you could never and would never admit out loud. This can help even if you’re not already a writer, too.
One thing I find particularly useful is letters. I might write one addressed to my brain, or my body, my depression, or a specific place. Sometimes writing a letter to a person in your life will help, even if you never send it. The important thing is to get it off your chest so it’s not pushing you down.
If writing really isn’t working for you, try painting, or music. There is no one-size-fits-all here. One day, one thing might help and another it could be something else entirely. If you’ve tried writing in the past to lift your spirits and it didn’t pan out, what’s to say you shouldn’t give it another go?
If you have thoughts, anecdotes, or other tips to share, I’d love to hear them! Please leave a comment and please, please, talk to someone if you’re really struggling. You deserve the help you need.