Writing Through the Night

Creative Affirmations

Posted on by Ellie Rose McKee

A short list of things I should probably print out and stick to my mirror––or possibly tattoo on my forehead––so I don’t forget:

  • Setbacks are normal
  • Setbacks are part of the process
  • Setbacks are a LARGE part of the process
  • All parts of the process are still progress, even when it doesn’t feel like it
  • No one is expecting you to win every single time
  • Winning every single time is not possible
  • Stop hitting yourself in the head
  • Rest
  • Try again

For readers who are not me: there was a glitch meaning I don’t think most of you heard about my previous blog post, which I will link here. I’m hoping this, new, post gets delivered to the inboxes of everyone subscribed. Fingers crossed!

I’m currently in the process of building a second site, just for my art, and changing ellierosemckee.com back to being just about my writing, not to mention overhauling all of my social media so that writing and art are separated there too. I’ll post again when this transition is complete.

Perceptions and Pivoting

Posted on by Ellie Rose McKee

Around this time last year, I met a friend for coffee. And I remember telling that friend about how deflated I felt. I listed off all of the things I’d applied for. All of the opportunities I’d tried to get and failed to even secure an interview for.

I’d shot for the moon but had very much not landed among the stars.

Between now and then, so many bigger life changes have happened. Mental health breakdowns, friends leaving, a death in the family. Shit to put creative setbacks in perspective.

At this point, I can’t even remember what most of last year’s setbacks even were. But I do remember how they felt, especially now, as I’m in the midst of a fresh batch of rejection emails.

It’s so easy to feel defeated. To want to give up. I have cried literal tears on more than a few occasions. But I’m still glad I applied for the things I didn’t get. That I tried.

It’s so hard to get an outside perspective on yourself, but I’ve had people tell me that I come across as successful. As thriving. My writing and art flourishing.

They see the social media posts about the acceptances. The publications. The events.

Unless you’re also trying to ‘make it’, you have no idea that for everything that falls into place, there are five things that fall flat. And even if you are also in the same boat, it’s easy to think you’re alone there, because hardly anybody talks about the shit days.

The key is to keep pivoting. When something fails, you adjust your plan and make a new attempt. Then do it again, and again, and again, and––and someday, you hope to get where you’ve been aiming for the entire time. Or maybe a new place, that’s even better. But until then, as someone told me recently, it’s so important to remember why you got started in the first place.

You pick up a paintbrush, or a pen, or a camera not for possible awards, or gallery shows, or publishing deals. You do it because you need to express yourself. Need to feel the peace that comes only when you have let that expression happen.

This is a note to my future self, to not quit.

To listen to the friends who see your success and want to cheer you on. Friends who will listen to you moan and whine and complain on coffee dates. Friends who remind you of the important things. Because they are the important things.

Perspective Shift

Posted on by Ellie Rose McKee

Sometimes my brain gets tripped up on an idea, and it takes years to undo the sprawling mess of nonsense thoughts that result from that one, core nonsense idea.

What I want to talk about today is a prime example.

This is probably going to sound unhinged for a bit––probably because it is unhinged––but here’s how I used to think:

I used to get annoyed every time I had a new idea. Because I was getting ideas faster than I could do anything with them, and they were forming a backlog that was only ever getting bigger and, someday, was likely to overtake and/or crush me. Then I was going to be dead having left a bunch of unfinished stories and projects and it would be such a waste.

I used to wish the ideas would stop for a bit. Or at least slow down so that I was getting them at a much slower rate than I was writing, and therefore I wouldn’t constantly feel torn between all of my various works in progress. If I only had one short story idea per year, for example, I could write that and then still have plenty of time to get all of the words for my novels done. Or vice versa. Ideally, I’d have a ‘one in, one out’ method of working. But only once the backlog was cleared

I genuinely used to stress myself to near sickness over this.

But here’s how I’m coming at it now: it’s a reframing issue. Continue reading →

The Point

Posted on by Ellie Rose McKee

These days, I’m less convinced about the existence of an afterlife than I used to be. What I have come to understand, however, is that eventually––some five billion years from now––our sun will destroy Earth.

Cheery stuff, which has got me wondering… what’s the point, if there even is one at all?

If you don’t believe in eternal life, but do know that not just your current life, but some day all life as we know it, will end then I think you could be forgiven for concluding that––ultimately––so much just… doesn’t matter.

And in a similar vein, albeit on a more personal, and incredibly smaller and less important scale: if no one is really buying your life’s work now, and your words don’t stand much chance of continuing to reach people after you’re dead, is there really any point in wasting your time?

Well.

As I said, I’ve been thinking about this. And good news, I’m not just writing this post to depress you, because I actually have a conclusion. It’s perhaps not a conclusion that will suit everyone, but I personally find it comforting.

But let’s back up a second while I tell you about this show Angel––I promise it’s on topic, just bear with me here. Continue reading →

Dangerous and Endangered Women

Posted on by Ellie Rose McKee

Since it is just seven days until my new book––a short story collection, titled Girl Imperilled––comes out, it seems high time to tell you about it!

Here’s the blurb:

Thirty stories of warrior women and damsels in distress. Of damsels ~causing~ distress. Of girls falling in love and breaking hearts; stealing babies, stealing wallets, transforming into creatures new; finding, losing, and saving themselves.

It was way back in 2016 that a review blog pointed out I had a major running theme in my work––of female characters being in, and subsequently overcoming, adversity. It’s actually that same blog (Self-Publishing Review) to which I owe the inspiration for the collection title.

Their exact words, which I’ve quoted at the very front of the book, are/were:

While her protagonists are often imperilled, McKee imbues their stories with hope, making something uplifting out of terrible circumstances.

And once they pointed it out, it suddenly became so obvious to me. I’d never really thought of my work that way before, but it was true. I’ve actually explored the theme so much, I could have included twice as many stories as I did, but––along with my amazing editor, Bridget Engman Wilde––I have curated the selection, so it only includes the strongest pieces.

A lot of them are quite short, and some have been previously published individually, but I really feel like they flow together, and I am so proud of the outcome.

Another interesting thing I was surprised to learn about my own body of work, was quite how queer it all is. Without meaning to, I have included a wide range of representation for many characters within the LGBTQIA+ spectrum. While I’m aware that might put some people off, I trust that the book will find the audience it deserves.

If that’s you, I so hope you like it.

The ebook is exclusively on Kindle (US link | UK), and the paperback can be ordered via a range of online retailers including Waterstones and Barnes and Noble. If you wish to get it in-person from a bricks and mortar bookstore, it should be listed with their wholesalers, available on request.

Paperback ISBN: 978-1-8384323-5-5

2022 Wrap Up/2023 Goals

Posted on by Ellie Rose McKee

I do not want to get into how 2022 went for me. It might be tied with 2010 for my Worst Year Ever TM, and the less said about that, the better. I will bust out a few stats, however, because you know I love stats. So…

  • Total Words Written: 157,000
  • Five Poems Published
  • Two Short Stories Published
  • Thirty-Two Books Read

So many of my plans and projects didn’t pan out, BUT I was in an anthology, I produced an art zine, I had my photography in a gallery show, and I had a mini-exhibition for my paintings.

My two main personal goals for 2023 are to:

  1. Stop being horrible to myself
  2. Eat three meals a day.

2023 Goodreads Reading Goal: 20 Books

Professional Goals:

  • Pass the one-million-word mark on the NaNoWriMo website (where I track everything I write, all year ’round, not just during the events). Context: I’m currently at 936,000 words.
  • I want to have posted 200 stories to the Elysian Fields fanfic archive by my ten-year anniversary (at the end of July). Context: I’m currently at 186.
  • Publish my short story collection
  • Publish part two in my YA trilogy
  • Illustrate and publish my children’s picture book
  • Do more art events and craft fairs

A New Approach

Posted on by Ellie Rose McKee

I’m told that you don’t stop growing until you’re twenty-five. That at twenty-five, you’ve apparently––finally––reached physical and emotional maturity. Which… looking back at my life… yeah, that tracks.

But when I first heard that fact, at say around age twenty, I misunderstood it (as, fittingly, I misunderstood so much at age twenty). I thought it meant that I needed to have my life figured out by twenty-five. That I must resolve all of my issues and faults by this deadline or they’d become set in stone and, not being able to change a single lick more, I’d be doomed to keep said faults forevermore.

Thank f*ck things were not quite so dire. (Twenty-year-old me was a little dramatic, can you tell?)

Little did I know that at thirty-three-and-two-thirds, I’d be able to adopt a new writing habit that would change my creative life entirely.

This new habit is ridiculously simple. So simple, in fact, that I actually came up with a very similar one myself years ago. I’m pretty sure I wrote a blog post about it then, too. I no doubt tagged it as ‘Good Advice.’ And then, of course, I didn’t take the advice until this past week, when I came across it again on a podcast. Continue reading →

Feeling Reflective

Posted on by Ellie Rose McKee

I feel in a bit of a weird headspace right now. Life has been… interesting, as always. Many exciting projects. Many things falling apart. Much stress and exhaustion––you know, the usual.

I used to use this blog to get into the nitty-gritty of all of that. The exact specifics of what I was working on, the struggles I encountered along the way, and how I was feeling about all of it.

I miss that, and would like to get back to blogging a bit more. But, at the same time, I’m hesitant to address the harder stuff I’ve encountered this year as a bunch of it still feels too raw. I feel like I need the distance of time before I can talk about it, so I don’t feel quite so vulnerable. But also, I’m very aware that the things I want, and probably need, to talk about don’t just affect me, and that makes me nervous.

Earlier this year I wrote a blog post that was about my own personal growth and journey, that just mentioned someone else in passing, and that person––whom I love deeply––was hurt by my mention. And although it was a complete misunderstanding, my intentions don’t matter much. If they’re hurt then they’re hurt, and I’m sorry.

I’ve been fairly gun-shy on getting too personal ever since, and now I feel a little in limbo. Not sure what to do.

Dear reader, shall I begin again?

On Laziness

Posted on by Ellie Rose McKee

I have noticed a trend, both in people I know personally and others I follow on YouTube, and it’s been slowly driving me nuts. It’s a trend I mostly see in women who not just work hard, but overwork themselves to the point of burnout several times a year. And it’s this:

If and when they finally do take a break, they say some variation of “I’m having a lazy day.”

No. You’re not.

You’re resting. You’re recovering.

There is a difference, and it’s a significant one.

Even if you think you’re saying it as a good thing, e.g. “I’m having a lazy day because I deserve it,” the word lazy is negative. Because definitionally, it’s a crappy character trait.

Rest, however, is a good thing. Not just a positive thing, but a necessary one.

You’re not lazy, you’re TIRED.

You need to give yourself a break in more way than one, and avoid falling into the trap of feeling bad or guilty for doing it.

Sincerely, someone who learned––and is still learning––the hard way.

Shooting My Shot

Posted on by Ellie Rose McKee

Forgive the repetition if you’ve already heard this news via my newsletter or social media, but I have been given what I think is a really great opportunity––but I need help in order to take it.

Some of my photography has been accepted into a gallery show in October, but I don’t have the means to cover the gallery fee plus the cost of actually printing and framing my work.

So, long story short, I’ve set up a crowdfunding campaign to help raise the funds.

You can find all the details here.

I’m of course open to any and all questions.